Anchor in the Storm

Obedience

2008-08-01T11:25:00.003-05:00

We were talking last night about my obedience. While it's clear to Him that I want to please Him, I have a tendency to not do what He's asked of me. Things that appear to be small, but are important to Him, therefore to me, like putting on my perfume before bed or masturbating before going to sleep.

I don't know exactly what He is planning, but I know it will be tough on me at times. He's definitely planning to tighten the reins a bit.

Oh well. I know that in the end, I will be happier when He does. Freedom isn't always my friend. I do much better with rules and clear expectations. *sigh*

Life of late

2008-07-30T13:30:00.003-05:00

Lately it simply hasn't been about the kinky sex. There is much going on. Kid troubles, ex troubles, financial, health, etc. It has kept us busy. Of late it has been about connection. We have both taken comfort in my submission. I am enjoying taking care of Him. lol Ironically, He's learning that when I am most stressed, the thing that I find most comforting and soothing is serving Him. I love when He settles into His chair or the couch and I can kneel at His feet. I generally take His shoes and socks off Him, rub His feet a bit, and sometimes snuggle.

Having said that, you would think I have a perfectly clean house, clean and shiny kids, and several meals already cooked. Right? Wrong. I was getting more energy when I suddenly had to start battling a nasty ovarian pain. It's either twisting in there, or has a cyst rupturing. I am thinking twisting based off the amount of time it has been hurting.

Even our most vanilla sex is still laced with overtones of our relationship. Him holding my hands down forcefully, Him pulling my hair, Him growling at me. I love it.

I just realized something. I hear other submissives talking about kneeling at their master's feet all the time. That isn't something I do. Usually only in certain situations. I can understand why others do it, why their master's want it. It serves to place a person in a very submissive mindset rather quickly. Sometimes during the day I think that I need some sort of connection to Him, something to remind me of what my role is. We talk all day long, but sometimes I need a bit more.

*sigh* Yes, I know. I am a needy little shit. I have been honest from the beginning with Him about that. I go through cycles with it. Sometimes I just need an occasional reassurance, other's.......it's a constant need. He handles it well, even though I know it has to drive Him nuts sometimes.

Well, that's how life has been lately here.

Insanity

2008-07-28T21:01:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted anything lately simply because I just have had too much going on. Marriages, divorces, children, ex's. They have all added up to push me to the breaking point. I can't decide if I need a relaxing break of really abusive, kinky sex, or to just hide in a hole somewhere. Either way, I need a break. If anything fun happens, I will be sure to post it.

hhrrmm I wonder.........
I wonder just what it would take to get Him to write here too?

The Good Wife Guide - HouseKeeping Monthly in 1955

2008-07-22T00:57:00.004-05:00

This was published a long time ago, and I have seen it numerous times. Part of me used to scorn it, part of me wanted to be that way.

I try, very hard, to be this way for Him. I fail all the time. It's definitely what I strive for in life now. Being any other way hasn't worked for me so far in life. This relationship feels so natural, so comfortable that I simply can't imagine it being any other way.

During the day I find myself grumbling as I realize I need to do stuff and am not getting it done. However, He never fails to appreciate what I have done, and not yell about things I haven't done. Sure, He gets mad at me, frustrated with me about things I have not done. He has to say very little about it though. It never fails to fix my "don't want to" attitude when I see Him washing the dishes or folding the clothes. I absolutely adore the way He corrects me. It doesn't make me feel demeaned or belittled. He's not angry when He does it. I know though, that He's noticed I haven't done something.

For some reason, living like this makes me feel incredibly feminine and happy. I never thought it would, but this is the way my parents relationship is based. I feel like by doing all these things, I am showing Him how much I love and respect Him, and how much I appreciate all He does for His family. I feel content.

• "Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and our concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

• Prepare yourself. Take 15minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dust-cloth over the tables.

• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

• Be happy to see him.

• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

• Make the evening his. Never complain if he come home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

• Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count his as minor compared to what he might have gone through all day.

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice.

• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember he s the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

• A good wife always knows her place."

Surprising Intimacy

2008-07-22T00:46:00.004-05:00

One of the things I do for Him is to take His shoes off for Him. It's my way of showing Him how much I appreciate Him working hard to take care of me, the kids, and our family. It's a little way of showing respect for all He does. I forget more than I care to admit, and feel incredibly bad about not showing Him how much I love and appreciate Him. I'm working on it though.

I hadn't been aware of how intimate of a moment it was until last week. We had a friend over for dinner. When He sat down, I knelt down in front of Him and proceeded to take His shoes off. I didn't care that she was here, I just wanted to take care of Him. In that moment though, He and I both realized that it definitely felt intimate, almost like a version of making love.

Who knew taking off shoes could be so special?

Claimed

2008-07-17T15:33:00.004-05:00

After admitting my transgression, I sat there looking at Him. I was trying hard not to cry. I was well aware I had done something that could seriously damage our relationship. I was waiting on His response. He asked me if I understood what I had done. I replied in the affirmative. After discussing it for a few more minutes, He told me He really didn't care if it hurt my knees, I was to kneel before Him on the concrete. I did, and He hugged me. I had been so scared I would lose Him over something that just wasn't worth it.

After a few minutes, He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. He closed the garage and pulled me inside after Him. He threw me towards the bed. I stumbled a bit and then got my feet under me. He started barking out orders telling me to get the bed cleaned off. I was to remove everything except the fitted sheet. (There were piles of laundry on the bed.) He picked up the flogger and started hitting me with it. While I very much enjoy the flogger I was a bit worried, knowing I was on shaky ground. Once I had the bed cleaned off I was ordered to strip. Obviously I wasn't moving fast enough because the flogger started hitting harder.

He flogged my back for a bit, occasionally spanking me too. After a few really stinging swats, he told me to turn to my back and cover my face with my hands. I immediately felt the butterflies in my stomach begin to move even more. I had never had my front flogged before. While I trust Him implicitly not to hurt me, it was still a bit scary. Oh my, it felt wonderful. I knew I was getting wet. There wasn't a damned thing I could do about it though. Suddenly His hand was between my legs, playing with my clit. He realized I was wet and rubbed me juices on my mouth. He asked me if I was enjoying it. I said yes. What could I say but the truth? I don't lie to Him.

After a few minutes of this He laid on His back, pulling me with Him. He told me to suck His cock. I love doing that for Him, even though it's not the easiest thing to do. In a bit He told me to lay on my back again. When I did He started fingering me. It was heaven. He knows just how to hit my g-spot and tweak my clit so I am all but screaming. There wasn't anything else in my head but Him. When I was nice and wet He started easing a few more fingers in. He seems to really enjoy fisting me. Unfortunately, His hands are even larger than His cock. I couldn't stop myself, I started reaching down, loving the way it felt to feel His and and my pussy like that. After I had cum more times than I could begin to count He slowly pulled His hand out. It was a mix of pain and pleasure. It was torture. After being so full I felt empty suddenly. I was shaking and couldn't stop. I immediately started kissing Him.

After a bit of that I cuddled up against His side. Since I wasn't up to finishing Him off orally, He made me lay beside Him, sucking on His nipples while he brought himself off. It was torture. I really wanted nothing more than to be under Him, completely filled with that lovely thick cock. I had another orgasm when He came. I love hearing Him gasp and moan. It never fails to excite me.

I remember at some point during all this that He growled in my ear that I belonged to Him. He had well and truly claimed me. I fell asleep feeling well loved. I knew my place, and had not a single doubt of my place in His life.

Bastard

2008-07-16T00:05:00.003-05:00

Apparently, Master feels He hasn't been torturing me enough lately. Tonight He came home from work and decided I had to make Him cum. Now I have to share here that He doesn't cum easily from oral sex. The Man has some serious freakin' stamina, and getting Him to cum orally is a minor miracle. I am still learning What works for Him orally. He waits until I am really into it, enjoying the hell out of sucking Him off, and tells me He isn't going to fuck me again until I can make Him cum using my mouth and hands. I was literally begging Him, dying to feel His cock inside me, but oh no, He wasn't having that. Add to all this the fact that He is incredibly thick. I have raw, sore spots in my mouth.

Damnit! There is nothing I love more than having Him inside me, fucking me absolutely senseless.

Care to guess what I am going to be researching and working on tomorrow?

Unfullfilled

2008-06-27T19:00:00.004-05:00

I have been going round and round in my head about how much I want to submit. Logically, this would be up to Master, but since I have more experience, it's up to me to tell Him what I want/need. Since I am the one finding that I am not quite happy with things as they are, it's up to me to figure out what I want. Maybe I need to spend the weekend reading blogs with Him, exploring the different options and discussing them. It's a definite idea. I am certainly left lately feeling like I am not fulfilling my duties to him. I know I am happiest when serving him.

Is it that I don't feel I have enough tasks? Do I have too much free time? Why can't I be happy that I have a Master who is happy with me, who doesn't feel the need to control every move and thought I make? Why can't I handle freedom? Does this all go back to the fact that I didn't grow up with freedom, so I am not happy with it now? Is me needing more direction, more boundaries going to drive Him insane?

I have to figure out what I want. I have to talk to Him about it also. If I can't figure out what I want, how do I talk to Him?

Tied Down

2008-06-26T16:32:00.004-05:00

I sleep so much better when I am restrained in some small, miniscule way. I don't know why. There are occasional times when this is not true due to a health condition, but Master is very understanding and supportive. He seems to instinctively have a good understanding of when I need it. He knows if I tell Him I am having issues that are related to health, it is not a good time. However, if I tell Him I am stressed, feeling insecure, or just incredibly anxious or nervous, He knows I need restraint. Sometimes this is in the form of me slipping an ankle between His. Last night He surprised me by telling me to get on one side of Him. He patiently waited, then told me to get comfortable, and be prepared to be there for a while. I got the biggest grin when I realized I was going to be His body pillow. It was so wonderfully calming.

Within minutes I was centered. I felt loved, calm, safe and secure. After a while, He became uncomfortable. I think my head got in the way. I snuggled up on His other side then and got back to sleep. It was the best sleep I have had in a while. Why do I easily see myself working my way up to being tied down at night?

vanilla

2008-06-25T15:37:00.003-05:00

I realized lately that I can't enjoy sex without some sort of bdsm flair to it. No matter how small that piece of kink is, it has to be there. It can simply be Him pulling my hair, Him telling me tonight is going to be about His pleasure not mine, or simply Him holding my wrists or twisting my nipples. Without something though, I just don't seem to get that extra zing out of sex. In fact, I seem to have more of a panicked feel with it. More of those old issues coming back to haunt me. How screwed up in the head am I that I have to have the bdsm to feel safe, and can't enjoy the "normal" side of things?

Too funny

2008-06-17T23:46:00.002-05:00

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Submissive

(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.)))

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive

86%

Masochist

86%

Experimental

82%

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

79%

Degradation Lover

79%

Bondage

68%

Switch

57%

Sadist

50%

Dominant

21%

Vanilla

Settled

2008-06-17T13:01:00.003-05:00

I constantly doubt myself. I think it's a common issue with most submissives. Every blog I read that is by a sub discusses the person doubting themselves. I tend to get really frustrated easily. When the world around me gets to me, all I have to do is feel His touch to get centered and grounded. It's not something I have ever done for myself well. Even as a child, I looked to the adults in my life.

At times when I am frustrated, or having bad dreams, all I have to do is snuggle up in bed, simply wedge my foot between His, and I immediately start to settle down. I quickly find myself falling asleep with a small smile on my face and a sense of belonging with a strong feeling that all is well in my world.

Getting Started

2008-06-16T20:04:00.001-05:00

I am stormy, His stormy. I fully belong to Him at heart. Nothing makes me happier than serving Him, taking care of Him, then being the feminine counterpart to His maleness. This isn't something I really ever realized about myself until meeting Him. I had begun to figure it out before Him, but after entering this relationship I rapidly realized how much I needed to be this.

This is His pet. I am sexually available to Him at all times. I am emotionally available to Him at all times. The emotionally available is the hard part. Through a lifetime of baggage, it's sometimes hard not to close myself off. It is sometimes hard to keep reminding myself to be open and to trust that He will take care of me.

This is a jumping off point. I have no idea where this will go. I just know I need this outlet at this point in life.